We were trying to come up with a play on words for Canada, so we searched up what rhymes with is and it suggested Cannibal, which we found very
insultive.
Since Canada Day was only a couple days ago, we thought we should air our grievances on how people think we live in igloos or are all NHL hockey players. But since we Canadians, we decided to air your grievances instead, and apologize for them.
We also have a friend named Jean François with us, and since he is a Québecois (in other words a person from the province of Québec) he wanted to make sure we didn't forget any accents but ended up helping us a lot more than that in writing this list.
And so, without further ado, here are 10 things Canadians want to apologize to the whole world for!
1: For saying sorry too often. We know, it must be so annoying, and for that, we apologize. But before we promise to stop saying it so much, we want to apologize for all the rude Canadians you might meet to have met, because their behaviour is inexcusable and we are very sorry for any offense they might cause you.
2: For the fact that bagged milk boggles your mind. It's very simple. Milk in a bag, put the bag in a pitcher, cut bag, pour into glass. Try not to spill. (And don't worry, whenever any Canadian from the West (in other words us) visits the East they make a milk river. It's OK. You'll get it next time.)
3: For the fact that Wayne Gretzky is hard to spell. Any Canadian auto-corrected will spell it right for you, but some countries don't have that luxury. Shame.
4: For the traffic and potholes in Québec. They're trying, they really are. Anywhere you go there are those infamous orange-and-white cones, and intricate 'Détour' routes since roads are blocked and big holes are dug in them. But for some reason or other, there are still chickens laying eggs in roads on a daily basis. (That's a play on words, in Québec they call them chicken nests.)
5: For how expensive Maple Syrup is. Yep...sorry. But the best of the best always costs a pretty penny.
6: For the English/French confusion. Sorry again (excuse the overusing of that word.) See, the whole country in English except for Québec (not counting French communities in the middle of other provinces and Acadians.) Because of Quebec, you need a French side to the cereal box. But be warned, Acadian French and Québécois are not the same things. And Frenglish is for the pro Canadians only. But don't worry. There aren't any really hard feelings, since everyone wins in Canada and we all know it.
7: For the terrible looks people will give you if you cut in lines. That's just unacceptable here, and we have a hard time dealing with it.
8: For the fact that McDonald potato and brown sauce slop are called Poutine and you'll be disappointed when you eat it. The real deal is in Québec, and if the person selling it to you can't speak much English, you know you've got a bar of gold in your hand.
9: For the snow. Sure it's inconvenient, but it's also beautiful and great fun and makes us into the people that we are. It also makes it way more convenient for the polar bears to get around and besides, how do you make igloos without snow?
10: For our hockey obsession. Yeah,
Sorry for the bragging. It's just that we're ignored all the time, so when we get the chance to shine, we really polish those lanterns.
Yours sincerely, and hoping there won't be 6 feet of snows next year,
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